When I judge another, myself, or a situation, it comes with a colossal set of assumptions. When judging another I assume I understand his reality, have his knowledge and know what is best for him. I assume I know the struggles he needs to deal with and the impediments outside and inside that are facing him. Somehow I assume I have crystal ball into his future to know how things will develop from here onward.
When I judge another I assume that genetic, education, astrological sign, gender, height, weight. culture prints and race donʼt factor into the way the person sees the world. I assume that his psychologies are equal to mine or that he can easily overcome his psychologies (without asking myself how easily I overcome mine). I assume our emotions, our psyche, our instinct are wired and programmed in the same way, and thus, must respond in like manner to various issues. I assume his life experience did not shape his vantage point to be different than mine and everyone else's.
When I judge another I assume the curve of learning doesnʼt exist and mistakes donʼt serve a purpose. I assume that perfection is the way of the world, that the world must be looked at from my own eyes which are the eyes that set the standard. I assume that if I would have had anotherʼs life experience and all that's included, anotherʼs genetics, anotherʼs education, anotherʼs gender, anotherʼs influencing forces - I would act differently, being put in the same situation of the person I judge. I assume there is only one way that will bring the desired outcome. I assume I know what the desirable outcome is.
When I judge another I assume that either previous lives coded us all in the same way or that these ancient codings donʼt influence our current life. I assume we are either all surrounded by the same unseen worlds entourage or that these donʼt influence our decisions, thoughts, processes. I assume that life doesnʼt have elevations and that each elevation doesnʼt have a different set of considerations. I assume there is no higher, longer term validity to the unique journey a person needs to make, no higher reason for people to be different, to walk on different paths, to make different mistakes.
When I judge another I assume I see things I do not see, understand things I do not understand, consider elevations I do not have access to.
So, what does it all say? Does it say that there is no right and wrong? That there is no high and low? No development differences? That we should not take a position about something which is clearly destructive? Does it justify false accusations? Misplaced lies? Unneeded violence? Unjustified aggressiveness? Does it indicate that principles and values donʼt matter?
No. It does not say all of this. Clearly there is right and wrong, there are development differences.There are facts and assumed facts. It is just asking how many of our judgments are based on unchecked assumptions? On false facts? On unfounded rumors? On shallow research? On seeing a partial picture? On the needs of our ego? On our prejudices? On our limited experience and education? On our imbalances? On our psychologies?
It is saying that a location which allows the individual to make his own reasoned choices, to make mistakes and learn from them, to express his own uniqueness, to come from his natural station……….. is a place to start.
It is saying that once the above is dwelled upon, thoroughly considered and assimilated throughout my many lives, it may cause me to allow rather than judge, support rather than stop, observe, witness and learn rather than make a verdict. It is saying that I might follow the timeless wisdom of “live and let live” rather than demand that all will live my way.
It is saying that before judging there is a place for careful consideration, for a journey back into neutrality, that it is essential to make a thorough research, to invest time and energy in finding the facts, what the case is. That neutral assessment is far more real than subjective judgment. It is saying that there is a place for some constructive doubts, some admittance of not knowing it all, not being so sure, that there is a place for humility. It is saying that awareness of our own limited experience and filtering faculties is essential if we wish to come to a better grip with what is real. That the unknown is part of life and should be taken into account. That in life many views which appear to contradict, may not. That mistakes should not be harshly judged as they are part of the journey of life. It is saying that putting another down doesnʼt really make me more important or better. It is saying that the struggle to see the 360 degrees of every situation, from all possible elevations is far more effective and constructive than seeing a segmented, partial, one-dimensional slice of reality.
Understanding all of this guides and prompts me to struggle to come from the most impersonal and unbiased location I can find. To continuously aim for the most uncolored and truthful processes and the consequently chosen course of action. If need be, I will avoid rather than attack, take positions against the actions rather than criticize the person who made them, make a stand because of my principles and values rather than uncontrolled reactivity. If need be, I will stop another, but will try to do it from a clean and well checked place in myself rather than from anger, jealousy, hatred and bitterness.
No doubt that when there is a real need, anotherʼs actions should be confronted or denied. It is just pondering where I am coming from when doing that. It is asking what electrically is being
registered from my processes.
Do I infect others with misery, despair, blame and pettiness? Do they feel the victim of the whole world after being with me? Do they feel dirty by the end of the exchange? Are they seeing
darkness and wrong in everything? Are their eyes dim? Is their face carved by the lines of judgment? Do my processes make me and others around me aggressive and militant?
Do I feel clean? Do others around me feel clean? Are my processes elevating and bright? Do I become wiser on the journey to find the truth of another, of me, of the situation? Are others finishing the conversation with me intrigued, elevated, bright, full of hope, curious, beaming with energy, spirited, looking forward to the next? Are they focusing on everything that is right, that which is promoting? Is their skin glowing? Are they smiling? Are they in peace?
There is clearly no perfection in anything. If we take a position, we will make mistakes. If we donʼt take a position, we will make mistakes. If we support, we will make mistakes. If we deny, we will make mistakes. Mistakes cannot be avoided and come with the growth opportunities that life offers us. What will be of account at the end of our lives is the process we repeatedly made to come to the cleanest location possible whilst being forensic about ourselves and deal with whatever inside us that propels us away from that sought-for clean location from which we respond to the complexity of life situations both outside and inside.
May the unseen supporting forces assist me in finding the right location.
Dani Davidi
March 2010
